Tag Archives: Parenting

Poverty

Advent

December 20, 2020

Scripture Reading: Luke 1:26-38
In the sixth month the angel Gabriel was sent by God to a town in Galilee called Nazareth, to a virgin engaged to a man whose name was Joseph, of the house of David. The virgin’s name was Mary. And he came to her and said, ‘Greetings, favored one! The Lord is with you.’ But she was much perplexed by his words and pondered what sort of greeting this might be. The angel said to her, ‘Do not be afraid, Mary, for you have found favor with God. And now, you will conceive in your womb and bear a son, and you will name him Jesus. He will be great, and will be called the Son of the Most High, and the Lord God will give to him the throne of his ancestor David. He will reign over the house of Jacob forever, and of his kingdom there will be no end.’ Mary said to the angel, ‘How can this be, since I am a virgin?’ The angel said to her, ‘The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you; therefore the child to be born will be holy; he will be called Son of God. And now, your relative Elizabeth in her old age has also conceived a son; and this is the sixth month for her who was said to be barren. For nothing will be impossible with God.’ Then Mary said, ‘Here am I, the servant of the Lord; let it be with me according to your word.’ Then the angel departed from her.

We have in this scripture an interesting juxtaposition. One woman who bore the shame of being unable to conceive throughout the fertile time of her life suddenly becomes pregnant, and a young woman, unmarried, becomes pregnant too soon. Although she was engaged to the future groom, he knew the baby was not his. These women were caught in the sting of their culture’s norms.

Much of my work as a social worker dealt with helping people overcome the culture we live in. It is a two-part challenge, first, advocating for a person to be accepted for their talents and abilities. And second, helping individuals not internalize and become the cultural stereotypes that have been projected on them for most of their lives.  I do not know how many grade-school age girls I observed who made straight A’s in school suddenly start falling behind after reaching puberty and eventually having a baby out of wedlock when they are 14 or 15 years old. They have been acculturated to believe that their worth is tied to being subservient to a male. The church must take a lot of responsibility for that not only being passed through the church but into the larger culture.

Our first priority in life is serving God. Second in importance, if we choose to be parents is to be the best we can be. There are no more important roles in life than being parents, both fathers and mothers, at the right time and under appropriate circumstances. The African proverb: It takes a village to raise a child is also right. We all are called to nurture and encourage children, assure that they have adequate food, clothing, and shelter; quality health care; and education. Approximately 40 percent of our population does not have access to basic needs. That is missing the mark. Our society accepts this vicious cycle of poverty. Most of these people work but do not earn enough to provide for their families.

Jesus had to deal with this same problem. He taught us to feed the hungry, care for the sick.  He did not lead us to reinforce stereotypical behavior. We take for granted being served by a waitress who is being paid in Oklahoma $2.13 per hour with the expectation that the remaining salary is made up through tips to achieve the minimum wage at $7.25.

Prayer: Lord, forgive us for burying our heads in the sand to the way we are allowing our neighbors to live in poverty.  Amen.

All scriptures are quoted from the New Revised Standard Version Bible: Anglicized Edition, copyright 1989, 1995, Division of Christian Education of the National Council of Churches of Christ in the United States of America. Used by permission. All rights are reserved.

Truths vs Customs

Living in the Spirit

June 30, 2020

Scripture Reading: Psalm 45:10-17
Hear, O daughter, consider and incline your ear;
   forget your people and your father’s house,
   and the king will desire your beauty.
Since he is your lord, bow to him;
   the people of Tyre will seek your favour with gifts,
   the richest of the people with all kinds of wealth.

The princess is decked in her chamber with gold-woven robes;
   in many-coloured robes she is led to the king;
   behind her the virgins, her companions, follow.
With joy and gladness they are led along
   as they enter the palace of the king.

In the place of ancestors you, O king, shall have sons;
   you will make them princes in all the earth.
I will cause your name to be celebrated in all generations;
   therefore the peoples will praise you for ever and ever.

Stunned would be the best word to describe my reaction to reading this scripture. I am sure I have read it before, but I do not remember it. I highly value the sacredness of marriage and do not think there are more essential roles in any society than being a mother or a father. I do not think the primary purpose of women is to have babies. I do not think children are chattel in the context of creating wealth for the estate. Indeed, in the culture of the Bible, children were a primary source of workers for the field. Thus the need to have many children and many wives was the norm. The mortality rate for babies was high. Cultural norms often grow out of real need. They remain beyond the need because that are adapted as customs or the way we have always done it.

I grew up on a farm, and everybody had their chores. The schools in my community closed for the harvest months in the summer, freeing up the students to work. We still operate statewide following that norm. Three months is a long time to retain what one learns in preparation for new learning. A few years ago, the Oklahoma City schools changed the schedule shortening the summer break. This resulted in culture shock even though we did not require harvest workers, nor did we have many urban students planning an agricultural-related career.

This scripture is an excellent example of Biblical teachings of several positive life lessons, the sanctity of marriage, and the need to prepare children for life as adults. And while it is educational to learn how such roles were implemented 7000 years ago, it does not mean we need to do them the same way today.

Prayer: Lord, help us glean the truths about your ways of being as we study how our ancestors lived and adapt our culture to those truths but not necessarily the customs. Amen.

All scriptures are quoted from the New Revised Standard Version Bible: Anglicized Edition, copyright 1989, 1995, Division of Christian Education of the National Council of Churches of Christ in the United States of America. Used by permission. All rights are reserved.

Well Trained

Living in the Spirit
September 22, 2018

Scripture Reading: Mark 9:30-37

They went on from there and passed through Galilee. He did not want anyone to know it; for he was teaching his disciples, saying to them, ‘The Son of Man is to be betrayed into human hands, and they will kill him, and three days after being killed, he will rise again.’ But they did not understand what he was saying and were afraid to ask him. –Mark 9:30-32

The job of parents is to prepare their children for adulthood, to leave home and make a positive contribution to the world whatever that might be based on their skills and interest. Parents also set the stage for their children to prepare the next generations to do the same work. In the above scripture, Jesus is preparing the disciples for their role in advancing the Kingdom of God. He enabled them to become trainers for Jesus’ future followers and we are still challenged with that call today.

All types of skills and interest are needed in the developing Kingdom of God. Paul outlines some specifics in 1 Corinthians 12 where he discusses spiritual gifts. Exodus 31: 1-11 describes how integral art was to in worship and how the Spirit of God was gifted to people to provide the special touch of art. All have gifts and all gifts provided by the Spirit are important to the furtherance of the Kingdom of God.

This scripture also describes Jesus’ intensity of training as he knew his time was short. While we may hope for a long life and people now are routinely living to be over 100, our need to fast-track the Kingdom comes from the longing to live as many of those years as possible in a world ruled by love that we are called to build.

Prayer: Lord, thank you for leaving us a roadmap to the Kingdom of God and ancestors in faith who shared it with us. Enable us to do our part now in making the Kingdom a reality and passing your training on the future generations. Amen.

All scriptures are quoted from the New Revised Standard Version Bible: Anglicized Edition, copyright 1989, 1995, Division of Christian Education of the National Council of Churches of Christ in the United States of America. Used by permission. All rights are reserved.

Sins of Omission

Ordinary Time
January 9, 2018

Scripture Reading: 1 Samuel 3:1-20

Now the Lord came and stood there, calling as before, ‘Samuel! Samuel!’ And Samuel said, ‘Speak, for your servant is listening.’ Then the Lord said to Samuel, ‘See, I am about to do something in Israel that will make both ears of anyone who hears of it tingle. On that day I will fulfill against Eli all that I have spoken concerning his house, from beginning to end. For I have told him that I am about to punish his house forever, for the iniquity that he knew, because his sons were blaspheming God, and he did not restrain them. Therefore I swear to the house of Eli that the iniquity of Eli’s house shall not be expiated by sacrifice or offering forever.’ –1 Samuel 3:10-14

We are as accountable for sins of omission, perhaps more, than we are of sins of commission. By all accounts, Eli dedicated his life to the Lord’s service. His failure was in parenting. He apparently turned a blind eye to the misdeeds of his children. We do not know, if he was too tied up in his work to pay them any attention or whether he just could not bring himself to discipline them correctly. I will never forget a juvenile case many years ago. * Three young teenagers entered private property without permission and with a lot of beer. They broke some furniture and caused some other damages. The police soon arrived, arrested them, and notified their parents. All three appeared in court the next week accompanied by their parents. Two of the youth each standing between their parents apologized for their behavior. Their parents made restitution for their share of the damage assuring the courts the youth would pay them back. he two boys were sentenced to several hours of community service. Having successfully complied with all requirements their records were eventually expunged.

The parents of the third boy also appeared in court, said he was incorrigible and they could do nothing with him. They turned him over to the state and walked out. All present were stunned. The judge ordered temporary custody to the state, and we, not knowing what he was capable of, placed him with foster parents who had a lot of experience with tough kids, which as it turned out he was not. He was a child hungry for love and acceptance. He flourished in foster care, did well in school, and became an adult of whom most parents would be proud. I wonder if he ever saw his natural parents again.

Are their injustices we see but think they are not our problem and thus do nothing about them? Is there someone or something we know we have talents and skills to help that we ignore?  The start of a new year is a good time to, evaluate our sins of omission and set about correcting them.

Prayer: Lord forgive me for all my sins. Open opportunities for me to do those things I am omitting to do that are a part of your desire for my life. Amen.

*The situation description has been altered to protect the privacy of the youth.

All scriptures are quoted from the New Revised Standard Version Bible: Anglicized Edition, copyright 1989, 1995, Division of Christian Education of the National Council of Churches of Christ in the United States of America. Used by permission. All rights are reserved.

Sour Grapes

child-driving-carLiving in the Spirit
October 10, 2016

Scripture Reading: Jeremiah 31:27-34

The days are surely coming, says the Lord, when I will sow the house of Israel and the house of Judah with the seed of humans and the seed of animals. And just as I have watched over them to pluck up and break down, to overthrow, destroy, and bring evil, so I will watch over them to build and to plant, says the Lord. In those days they shall no longer say:
‘The parents have eaten sour grapes,
   and the children’s teeth are set on edge.’
But all shall die for their own sins; the teeth of everyone who eats sour grapes shall be set on edge. —Jeremiah 31:27-30

God promised restoration to Israel even in the midst of exile. The comment about sour grapes refers to a proverb of the ages also quoted in Ezekiel 18:2. In reality, the sins of parents impact their children in one way or another. In some instances, children follow the parent’s example. Sometimes children learn from the mistakes of their parents and work hard not to replicate them. Once, the juvenile court called me to give my opinion on whether a 14-year-old should be tried as an adult for grand-theft auto. At that young age, he had been caught and found guilty of the crime several times. He was following in the family business. Probably had accompanied his father on similar adventures from his earliest years. One time the police stopped him, because they thought they were following a driverless car. He was so short they could not see his head from the back.

No parent is perfect; adults do all miss the mark from time to time. Hopefully, we learn from our own mistakes and children see us rectifying them as we attempt to change. Learning how to seek God’s forgiveness and guidance also must be modeled by parents.

The admonition in our scripture targets society too. We wrap children and adults in packages of prejudice that do not relate to who a person is or what he or she might be able to accomplish given a chance. If God chooses not to leave the taste of sour grapes in a child’s mouth neither should we.

Prayer: Lord, make us seers and developers of positive potential, not judges chaining our children in their negative histories. Amen.

All scriptures are quoted from the New Revised Standard Version Bible: Anglicized 
Edition, copyright 1989, 1995, Division of Christian Education of the National Council 
of Churches of Christ in the United States of American. Used by permission. All rights 
reserved

What Wrong Did God Do?

pool-vandalism-08-20100109Living in the Spirit
August 22, 2016

Scripture Reading: Jeremiah 2:4-13

Hear the word of the Lord, O house of Jacob, and all the families of the house of Israel. Thus says the Lord:
What wrong did your ancestors find in me
   that they went far from me,
and went after worthless things, and became worthless themselves?
They did not say, ‘Where is the Lord
   who brought us up from the land of Egypt,
who led us in the wilderness,
   in a land of deserts and pits,
in a land of drought and deep darkness,
in a land that no one passes through,
   where no one lives?’ –Jeremiah 2:4-6

When I worked with juvenile delinquents, I cannot tell you how many parents raised the question that God asks in our scripture today, “What did we do wrong?” There are no perfect parents except God, and some have more shortfalls than others.

Our work with juveniles ran the full gamut from stupid teenage acts to murder. I remember four boys, 15 and 16-year-olds who thought it would be cool to climb over the wall around a motel pool with a few packs of beer. They became more destructive the drunker they got until they had thrown all the furniture and umbrellas into the pool. The police arrested them, and they landed in court the next day for a preliminary hearing. Each had a parent or parents present who were missing work and not happy. The parents of three of the boys stood before the judge next to their sons as deals were worked out in sentencing to community service, being grounded for what the boys thought was the rest of their lives, and paying for the damaged furniture. The fourth set of parents, very busy professionals, rose when the judge called them forward and said, “Our son is out of control, you will just have to do something about him” and left. The seasoned judge was stunned. The fourth boy seemed more immature and vulnerable than the others. He followed the crowd not the other way around. The judge placed him in state custody, and we placed him in a wonderful foster home in another town while we tried to figure out what to do. The metamorphous was amazing. He bonded quickly with the foster parents, attended school regularly, became a good student, and developed healthy friendships. After the judge had read the report at the follow-up hearing, he ordered the parents to pay child support to meet the cost of foster care and let the boy stay with his foster parents.

We serve a Savior who will never forsake us even show up for court and stand beside us. Why would we ever want to put him in the position of wondering what he had done wrong?

Prayer: Lord, forgive us when we stray so far from you that you wonder what you have done wrong. Please do not give up on us. We know you keep loving us, help us to know that too. Amen.

All scriptures are quoted from the New Revised Standard Version Bible: Anglicized 
Edition, copyright 1989, 1995, Division of Christian Education of the National Council 
of Churches of Christ in the United States of American. Used by permission. All rights 
reserved

God with Us Part 2

Body of ChristChristmas
December 26, 2015

Scripture Reading: Luke 2:41-52

Now every year his parents went to Jerusalem for the festival of the Passover. And when he was twelve years old, they went up as usual for the festival. When the festival was ended and they started to return, the boy Jesus stayed behind in Jerusalem, but his parents did not know it. Assuming that he was in the group of travelers, they went a day’s journey. Then they started to look for him among their relatives and friends. –Luke 2:41-44

To say that the change from mangers and shepherds and wise men and all to a self-assertive preteen in one liturgical Sunday is abrupt is a gross understatement. But so goes the role of parenting. There are few paradigms shifts of life as monumental as the birth of a child, particularly the first. Ask any parents, even those who have longed and carefully planned for the child.

It is the ultimate challenge of changing the center of one’s life to someone other than self. This tiny, fragile infant is totally dependent upon it caretakers, usually parents, to help it grow and develop in wisdom and truth.

It is the supreme commitment of continuing the species, claiming a place and role in the future of the world.

It is the consummate act of dedicating oneself to the goal of living in a world controlled by love.

Becoming a parent in most instances is the easiest job in the world to get and the hardest to do. In so many ways it mirrors the call of Christ, whose yoke is easy, but whose vision requires our everything.

Prayer: God of Love, whether we come to you with eyes wide open, by accident, or confused and unsure, meld us together as one to be your Body in the establishment of your Kingdom in this world. Amen.

All scriptures are quoted from the New Revised Standard Version Bible: Anglicized 
Edition, copyright 1989, 1995, Division of Christian Education of the National Council 
of Churches of Christ in the United States of American. Used by permission. All rights 
reserved.

Parenting

Living in the Spirit
July 8, 2014

 Scripture Reading: Genesis 25:19-24 

The children struggled together within her; and she said, ‘If it is to be this way, why do I live?’ So she went to inquire of the Lord. And the Lord said to her,
‘Two nations are in your womb,
   and two peoples born of you shall be divided;
one shall be stronger than the other,
   the elder shall serve the younger.’ — Genesis 25:22-23

So begins a saga of deception and intrigue. The two boys in Rebekah’s womb are Esau and Jacob—the first the father’s favorite and the second the mother’s. Jacob was a manipulator. We would probably call him a shrewd businessman today. Esau became an outdoorsman apparently a hard worker with little guile. How much of those traits were in their DNA and how much was taught them, I wonder?

Early childhood specialist indicate that the character of most children is well on its way to formation by the time they are three years old. Whether we like it or not, most adults rear their children like they were parented. For those of us who had “good” parental role models we laugh in later years when we recognize some of their traits in ourselves. Usually it is the same trait that once irritated us when we experienced it with our mother or father. Even when ones parental role model was very “poor” or even worse abusive, those traits are very, very hard to change. Change is, however, not impossible.

Wouldn’t it be wonderful, if such change could be realized before a child is born, if we could reach the teenage mothers and fathers and help them learn to postpone parenthood until they were more mature, if we could give new parents the tools to nurture their own babies, if we could make wholeness a reality for broken spirits?

We can, you know. God empowers us with the ability to love our neighbors and that love coupled with a whole lot of hard work and patience and dedication can change lives as well as move mountains.

Prayer: Father and Mother of all, instill in us the traits of your love and make us champions for all your children even those who are parents. Amen.

All scriptures are quoted from the New Revised Standard Version Bible: Anglicized Edition, copyright 1989, 1995, Division of Christian Education of the National Council of Churches of Christ in the United States of American. Used by permission. All rights reserved.